YOU LIKE HORROR? BUT...YOU...YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A HORROR FREAK.

During my Holliston fest last night (see previous post) the final episode definitely struck a hell of a heart string with me.  Over the past three years, I've been criticized for writing a horror blog as a woman, as someone under the age of twenty five, and most recently...for not "looking" the part.  Adam Green's character on Holliston is hopelessly in love with a very anti-typical horror gal complete with blonde hair, cutoff jean skirts, and perfectly manicured everything.  Adam and Joe pick on her for "not ever having bought anything from Hot Topic" and she makes a comment on "missing the memo on wearing black" before completely transforming her appearance to fit in with the rest of the convention.  As funny as it was, it would be far funnier if this wasn't the constant annoyance "girls like me" deal with every fucking day.  While Adam Green and plenty other celebs featured on the show pick on the things they deal with as celebrities (having iMDB pull things offline, being harassed by uberfans, etc) with a sense of a light hearted nature, they're also celebrities with the ability to fulfill their dreams and not struggling twenty one year olds fighting hordes of twi-hards and sexist horror trolls. They've got people to do that for them.  Not only that, but I'm pretty sure having a fan pester them about their new movie isn't as insulting as "until you have tattoos, you're worthless to your genre". I'm not dismissing their trials of the shit they put up with as "lesser", it's just...I can't exactly explain it. The image above is an actual screen cap from an anonymous comment I received on one of my Cabin In The Woods articles.  I hate to admit it, but this comment is one of the more tame that I've received over the years. I gotta admit, it's easier to take an insult than graphic sexual fantasy requests for video blogs from strangers.

No tattoos or colored hair? Who do you think you are?!

Anyway, I posted the comment to the Day of the Woman facebook page to get some feedback from all of you on whether or not a horror "look" is required to take someone seriously and I was pleasantly confirmed that you all aren't judgmental and ignorant (not that I ever thought you were). However, while YOU may be smart enough to understand that your exterior doesn't define your interior, there is an overwhelming amount of people that haven't been able to break that barrier. When I first started writing Day of the Woman, I'll be completely honest when I admit I garnered a good amount of my "following" because the idea of a beauty queen writing about horror movies was interesting or different or something.  I only know this because the comments I've received in comparison from 2009 to 2012 have changed drastically.  I sometimes pull the "I'm not a stereotype" card every once in a while, but when I first started...it was almost a shtick people used to talk about me with.  As much as I enjoyed making friends with other horror bloggers and readers, I was always wondering if they read me because of my content or because I was some novelty item.  Even deeper than that...why was I being marketed this way? I've discussed previously on the topic of having tattoos, but it seems that this judgement stems further than the tattoo parlor.  (PS; I am wearing a strapless top and if any of you say I get harassing comments " because I post pictures like that" you're a slut shaming son of a bitch and you can leave my blog right now because again, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want and a human is entitled to dress however they want without it constituting"asking for it") I just want to know, why did everyone make it such a big deal that I didn't fit in the horror "mold" if it "doesn't matter" what a horror fan looks like? Why is everyone commenting "it's your brain that counts" when people are saying "read this girl she's beautiful AND smart"? Why should it matter if I'm a baton twirling beauty queen? It shouldn't, and it doesn't. It doesn't fucking matter because you are who you are and that's all who you are. 

That being said, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've felt an awful lot of pressure to change my appearance to appeal to the horror crew.  The way it was presented to me was honestly exactly what I've been trying to fight against.  I was always wanting to put a hoop in my nose instead of a stud and do you know who pushed me to the hoop side? You all did. When I wasn't sure whether or not I could take the plunge for a darker shade of lipstick, it was my horror comrades that really told me to go for it while my pageant friends told me I'd look "goth".  As a woman, I constantly have to fight twice as hard to be taken seriously when writing about a genre that is arguably (stereotypically) male dominated. To top that, I'm also twenty one years old and thanks to my generation's obsession with Twilight, I also now have to fight harder to earn my street cred and prove my chops.  EVEN FURTHER, I don't have Elvira tattoos or an edgy haircut or a wardrobe consisting of corsets and striped tights. I just don't.  That isn't to say that I don't adore that "look" it's just not my personal style.  It does appear that whenever I do a video blog where I appear "darker" or "spookier" it garners far more attention and hits than my typical pajama clad rants.  Some may argue it's the subject matter...but I gotta tell you, hits don't lie. 

Friend and fellow female in horror Krystal Fancey Beck easily gave the most provocative of opinions on the topic, and she's so right it's scary.  "Here's the thing: you're kind of fucked either way. I HAVE the look- y'know, the one that supposedly earns you Horror Points or whatever- and  it's already been suggested that us SpookyOnTheOutside folks are "trying too hard", wearing a uniform, or maybe even overcompensating for not possessing the right amount of horror knowledge. You know what? I wear/decorate myself with the things that make me happy and make me feel good about myself. Yes, it gets me some attention. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good. And while way too many people assume at least part of the reason I prefer to adorn myself in such a manner is because my poor, fragile self esteem craves the attention... dude, I have a good case of social anxiety. Attention's one of the last things I want! But I've weighed both options and feeling content and, ultimately, true to myself trumps anything else. I'm sick to death of people trying to feel better about themselves by making other people feel shitty. I'm sick of standards. I actually saw someone make a list of criteria that you have to have in order to call yourself a horror fan by their vastly superior standards. You know what *I* think makes you a 'true' horror fan? Liking horror movies. I don't care what you look like, if you've never seen ____, or if you don't like ____. I don't care who or even really *what* you know. If you've this, this, and this in the horror community or if you just simply... watch horror movies. I DON'T CARE. If you like horror and are nice to me, we're cool- let's talk. Ultimately, stay to to yourself, and do what genuinely makes you happy, without concern that you're living up to anyone else's ridiculous standards." Yep. That about covers it. She's absolutely on par. We as female horror fans are damned if you do, damned if you don't, and that's the god's honest truth.  Hell, even when a "SpookyOnTheOutside" type of girl was confronted at the convention on Holliston...she was called a poser at the end because her day job was working at Express.  The sad fact of it all, is that this is something far deeper than just convention etiquette. To be honest, women in general are judged based upon their appearances, and there's this obscene concept that women are somehow new to the idea of being fans of genre entertainment. I don't know why people think this is a new thing, but it's a weird epidemic I've experienced first hand far too often.  It's like we cause annoyance just by being in the room because we're assumed to either be posers tagging along and trying to impress someone or we're some social inept mouth breathers jonesing for an autograph.

It's as if women are constantly torn between choosing a side in the debate of "pretty vs. intelligent" and it's total bullshit. I would like to bat my eyelashes and poke my dimple to say "oh, we're all a giant happy horror family who accepts all forms" but that's a bold faced lie.  Do I surround myself with non-judgemental people who are the cat's meow? Obviously, I choose not to surround myself with douchebags...but it seems that every article I write is under microscopic scrutiny and even a misplaced comma makes me a "stupid girl who knows nothing about horror".

Kristy Jett and Zach Shildwachter: Two of the biggest horror nerds I know at the Amityville house looking very "non-horror"

This isn't only a feminine issue either.  I think women are more specific in that we have to fit into either the "overly geeky super-fan" or the "gothic sex kitten" roles to find acceptance in convention land...but men experience this just as much. I'll be the first to admit that I could count on one hand the amount of men that go to a convention in something other than a black t-shirt (not including celebs or cosplayers).  As a woman, I don't think I'm really qualified to speak much more on the topic, but maybe someone with a penis will tackle this issue one of these days.  Honestly though, this nonsense is absurd. We should be supporting each other and taking care of one another. We're already the weird kids in class for worshipping murderers, torturers, and monsters...the last thing we want to do is generate animosity towards each other.  So I have a preposition for you all.  BE WHO YOU ARE. If that means wearing black all the time, rock it out. If that means wearing frilly white lace and rainbow socks, work that shit, but for the love of Cthulhu...don't change who you are because you have to "fit in".  We love you for who you are, as you are.